If you read this we re dating

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They would guffaw and list the women whose words they loved, and the work they had done to support women in the past, but they never even tried to answer the question of why none of those women merited a mention in their dating profile. They did, however, have a different kind of defense, quickly citing the historical reasons why.

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I was told with surprising frequency that there are just much fewer books by women historically. They would explain that they only listed books they had read more than once, authors whose work they had truly pored over, the brilliant minds behind the worn paperbacks they shoved into their messenger bags. One self-proclaimed avid reader listed just shy of 40 books and authors but failed to see that maybe he had some self-reflecting to do if no women made the cut. The favorites purists often seemed horrified at my suggestion that they sneak a woman into the top 40; they saw meddling with their immutable list of faves as disingenuous at best, deceitful at worst.

Beyond a deeper psychological unpacking of why no woman had spoken to these men the same way that Raymond Carver or Philip K. Dick or Don Delillo, this obsession with the genuine felt misguided and maybe even reductive. Dating is an exercise in self-presentation, as much as self-expression. These guys probably chose flattering photos, highlighted cool hobbies, failed to mention disgusting habits, and wore their least holey underwear on early dates.

So if they really did love a bunch of books by women, as they claimed defensively when I asked, why were they so shy to include them in a forum where they are explicitly trying to impress and attract women? While girls are often shown from an early age that the way to impress a boy is to like boy things, boys are just as often shown from an early age that the way to impress a girl is to…also like boy things.

One defensive guy asked me if I would rather be with someone who lists their genuine favorites, or with someone who uses some pick-up artist signalling tactic to list books by women just to get laid. Only one of the men I messaged with on OKCupid asked for recommendations of more books by women, and the last time I checked, none of the men had updated their profile to list any of the women authors they rattled off to me in direct messages.

For these men, the best version of themselves is still all about what they think of themselves first and foremost.

You’re still technically single, right?

Part of me imagined witty and flirtatious sparring leading to a mutual understanding and a steamy intellectual first date. I did not find my Mr. Darcy a reference from a book by a woman!!!! I did, however, have a few promising conversations with men who did list women writers in their profile. In setting a pretty low bar, I was able to create a smaller, and much more compatible pool of potential dates.

Where were the boys trying to impress me with their love of Judy Blume, tea parties, and Fiona Apple?

Why Don’t Straight Men List Books by Women in Their Online Dating Profiles?

Sign in Get started. Arthur Blocked Unblock Follow Following. You can also consider what other parents are doing.

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Are lots of kids the same as yours already dating in the true sense of the word? Teenage relationships can gather steam quickly. Remember that high school romances tend to be self-limiting, but look for warning signs too. And be frank about sexual health as well. With first relationships come first breakups, and those can be painful. Be patient and sensitive, and remember that sometimes just listening is the best thing you can do. It can be alarming and uncomfortable to think about your child dating.

If you want your child to understand your expectations and rules about dating, you need to express them. Teens are eager to assert their independence, but even though they're growing up, they still need rules and boundaries.

Why Don’t Straight Men List Books by Women in Their Online Dating Profiles?

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